Ready or not, there they go; Parents need to look at the big picture to prepare students to live on their own

When Syracuse University freshman Tim Rittenhouse was a high school senior, he got a taste of what college would be like.

His mother told him it was time for him to start doing his own laundry, and his parents lifted his curfew.

Then in August, Rittenhouse's mom helped him open a checking account. He also opened his own credit card account. He was glad he did those things before he got to school while he still had his parents around to help him.

"Finances can be a tricky thing," he said.

Colleen O'Connor Bench, director of SU's Parents Office, said many parents don't focus on the big picture when getting their children ready for college.

"They're thinking about the very little kinds of things: Do they need flip-flops for the shower. . . . But they're not thinking about the overarching things," Bench said.

Bench suggested making sure young people have important paperwork, such as insurance or Social Security cards; that expensive items such as laptops are covered by renter's or homeowner's insurance; and that arrangements have been made for health-care needs, such as allergy shots.

Talking about drugs and alcohol before and after students arrive on campus is important.

"(Parents) need to constantly reinforce their expectations around their students' choices with regard to alcohol or other drugs," Bench said.

Sue Ames, who oversees first-year learning communities at Le Moyne College, said it's important for parents to begin giving their children more responsibility. If students have questions before they arrive on campus, they should be the ones making the calls, not the parents, she said.

When students arrive on campus and have problems with their roommate, their classes or adjusting to being away from home, they should use resources on campus to help, not their parents, Ames said.

Parents should make sure their children know where health services, counseling and tutoring centers are located when they visit a college during the search process.

"If parents know those things are in place, they'll feel a lot more comfortable," Ames said.

Ames also encourages parents to urge their children to forge relationships with instructors, their resident adviser and their academic adviser.

"These are the conduits they can rely on instead of mom and dad," Ames said.

Eric Kuhn, a Hamilton College sophomore, said he felt prepared for his college experience because he had gone to sleep-away camps. The Hastings-on-Hudson resident spent several summers at three-week and then 7-week summer camps in New Hampshire. Each time, he had to meet new people much like his freshman year at college.

"It's just like camp," Kuhn said.

His mother, Julie Kuhn, said parents need to check their own behavior when they drop off their children at college. If parents get upset and are overly emotional, it is harder for students to feel confident about being on their own, Kuhn said.

"The send-off is really important," said Julie Kuhn, who is a family therapist. "You really need to be upbeat and positive."

Rittenhouse, of Corning, said finding out about clubs and activities and getting involved helps ease the transition to a new place. He joined SU's ski racing club; the Sour Sitrus Society, SU's pep band; and an honors fraternity.

"It definitely makes the campus a lot smaller," Rittenhouse said.